There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.
– Maya Angelou
October 3rd, 2014: This is probably the last time I will update this page before this blog goes inactive! To continue following my journey, visit me at my new blog, Motherhood and Everything Else!]
I’m a 27-year-old army wife/graduate student/editor from Boston, MA. My husband “J” and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2 years.
We have been trying for a baby for two years, and have had two losses—one blighted ovum missed miscarriage, and one 9w missed miscarriage (read more about our journey on my other page). I’ve had hypothyroidism since 2008, and was diagnosed with uterine polyps, hyperprolactinemia, and a slight blood clotting issue in early 2014.
I had another blog here on WordPress that I started in January of 2014. I had conceptualized the blog based on returning to school and being pregnant and eventually becoming a mother. When I had my second miscarriage just before Christmas, that conception fell to pieces.
Grief is not a disorder, a disease or sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.
– Earl Grollman
I still started the blog, and I kept it going for a few solid months. But I couldn’t truly be myself on there. So I came up with this anonymous blog, solely for discussing this journey and connecting with others. Eventually, the other blog fell through the cracks and has been discontinued. This blog became the blog for the interim as I navigated my way through recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) and infertility (IF) until I was ready to be honest with family and friends about what J and I have been through.
I came here to connect with others dealing with RPL and IF. If I learned anything in the last two years, it’s that empathy is much more reassuring than sympathy. I’m here for all of you. I share my stories with the hope that you will feel less alone. I hope I will have my own success story to share with you that will give you hope and strength.
Despite a pretty severe car accident that left me temporarily disabled for two months (and counting) and in constant pain—a car accident that occurred not 24 hours after I ovulated—somehow that magical union of egg and sperm still happened and I became pregnant with my third baby in June 2014. My little “Lucky Bug,” as s/he has come to be named, is continuing to thrive despite all the physical, emotional, and chemical distress my body went through this summer…and at the time of this final update, I am nearly 18w and both Lucky Bug and I are going strong.
In order to protect my friends here that were still in the throes of infertility or recurrent miscarriage, I password-protected all pregnancy-related posts. I will remove the protection once this blog has become inactive (except perhaps maybe on the ones most personal that I’d like to keep between me and my RPL/IF friends I’ve made on here). The new blog will not be password-protected, so I therefore caution anyone who might wander over there as I will be discussing my pregnancy and motherhood, along with many other things, out in the open.
For those of you who followed me through these last eight months (some of you, for longer), I thank you so much. Your kindness, camaraderie, comfort, and empathy has meant more to me than you’ll ever know. I’m excited to continue my journey with many of you by my side, and for those that must protect themselves at the moment, I hope you’ll continue on your own paths and rejoin me soon. 🙂 ❤
“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
– Emily Dickinson