Where I am: 18w2d
Medications: just the basics
Symptoms: round ligament pain, crampiness, not sleeping well, sore boobs/nipples, random nausea, constipation, congestion, hip/back pain (seriously is not getting better!), and abdominal tenderness…
It all started last weekend. I met up with my cousin and, donned in maternity wear for the public for the first time this pregnancy, off we went shopping for more maternity clothes. We got our nails done (I call them “Lucky Bug” nails) and had Panera for a late lunch. And then it came time to go to my cousin’s house to tell her parents and her two siblings that I was pregnant.
I couldn’t even say the words. We just stood in the kitchen awkwardly smiling and laughing, me with my sweatshirt on and hiding my bump, until my aunt finally guessed. They were happy. I told them about why I’ve kept it secret so long, and my aunt told me I should’ve talked to her as she went through a miscarriage herself (which I knew, but…meh, it’s complicated). My cousin texted her aunt (my not-blood-related uncle’s sister) and then called her grandparents (again, my not-blood-related uncle’s parents) to tell them. Anxiety, yes, for sure, but it all ended fine. I checked LB on the Doppler immediately after and all was well.
Monday night, I decided I was done hiding. Just done. At this point, the stress of everything (not even just the pregnancy but everything else, too) was getting to me and I decided it was a waste to stress about hiding my baby bump or making sure I didn’t answer a phone call from my OB with the door open or WHATEVER. So Tuesday morning I dressed in some new maternity wear, came in, told my boss, told everyone in the office, and done. I had stayed up late the night before, doing HW and typing up the email announcement explaining the last two years and arranging the t-shirts on my stupid apartment wall for the photograph part of the announcement for my dad’s side of the family, and so I sent that out in the afternoon on my lunch break.
And then yesterday, I came out on Instagram and Facebook.
Instagram was a lot easier than Facebook. Facebook took me a while to hit “post.” But I have, and I’m pretty sure this will go down in history as the most liked and commented-on post on my Facebook account…ever. Even more so than my wedding. Lots of nice things said. Only one stupid comment so far but hey, there had to be one, right?
It has been an overwhelming week. My hips and back are killing me…between that and everything else going on, I don’t sleep. Be it HW, pain, anxiety, a racing mind…no sleep for me. It’s starting to catch up. I had a meltdown at 4AM this morning…it was not pretty. Raging anger and then uncontrollable sobbing. Poor hubby looked petrified, but he held me while I cried even after I screamed at both him and the cat. I think he’s finally starting to understand that I can’t control some of this shit. Whoremones, man. Christ.
So I honestly meant to write more, but I just got stuck with more work. Never a break with this new job! Three day weekend ahead…HW, packing for the move, spending time relaxing with my husband…that’s all I have planned. Nothing extravagant. Oh, our nephew’s birthday party Sunday morning. Bowling. Not sure I can swing that but hey, I’ll try.