Hanging In There

Where I am: 25dpo
Medications: Crinone
Symptoms: fatigue hits between 5:00-7:00PM every day like clockwork, boobs hurt like crazy, dull cramping on and off almost every day, not exactly nauseous but my stomach is not digesting well…oh I can also smell everything!

Sorry it’s taken me so long to update. It’s been nothing but craziness lately, as you will read from my unprotected post. Not to mention, despite the big wave hitting at that designated time every evening, I’m basically tired 24/7.

I think I am still majorly in denial. Mostly, I’m overwhelmed. I have exactly two sleeps until my first ultrasound, and part of me feels like it’s going to be good news, and part of me is filled with dread like it knows it’ll be bad news.

I’m terrified.

Thankfully, my sore-as-hell boobs that ache when I take my bra off at the end of the day reassure me. So does my defunct digestive system. Just before I sat down to type this, I had to crutch like a madwoman to the bathroom because all of a sudden, my body was like, “Evacuation time!” I know that’s more than you need to know, but just deal with it.

The nausea is barely nausea. My only craving, so far, of something I didn’t like before is peaches. That’s just weird. Especially since the furry texture always turned me off to them. Huh.

I go through periods of being starving, and then being not hungry at all.

I’m tired all the time. I’m sleeping terribly because of the anxiety, and because of the pain in my leg. The pain is unbearable, and this pregnancy is preventing me from taking anything to help like a muscle relaxer. I’m not complaining about the pregnancy, I promise, I am complaining about the leg. Had it not been for the accident, I wouldn’t be in this intense pain that distracts me all day at work and keeps me up all night.

Well…I guess we can’t know that if the accident hadn’t happened, that I still would have gotten pregnant. We’ll never know because things went down the way they went down and that’s all there is to it. Right?

This is a shit entry, because I have nothing much to say, but I wanted to update you all.

Oh, I did want to tell you this: hubby and I are having a playful argument about this little thing’s nickname. You know, how our last was Baby Bean…I’ve seen Blob, Blobby, Peanut, and other nicknames thrown about on Twitter and WordPress. Well, back in December, after the second miscarriage, when I sealed the ultrasound photos in an envelope and wrote “Baby Bean” across the front, I told my husband I never wanted to refer to our next or any pregnancy as a bean. That nickname was for BB, and BB only. It’s sacred. So we decided the next one would be Lucky.

Well, now I started this whole #teamjunebug thing, and I’ve been referring to this one as Bug, but J wants it to be Lucky. So I told him, if there’s two in there, they can each have a nickname. If there’s one, then I guess we’ll have to duke it out for which nickname prevails. Cute, right? Disgustingly cute, and kind of obnoxious, but I wanted to share because it’s one of the few things that has made me feel like this pregnancy is real.

Oh yeah, and shoving Crinone up my vagina was all well and good for the 2ww, but having to do it for the entire first trimester is going to be a bitch. I am sore as hell in there! Welp!

Mostly, I’m nervous. I’m so scared. I’m so anxious. I wish it was Thursday at 8:30AM right now, and at the same time, I never want that moment to come. I want to live in limbo for as long as I can, because I can’t get hurt in limbo. Blissful ignorance.

Two sleeps. Less than 48 hours, now. And I’m hanging in there.



P.S. Just for fun, if you feel like it, I’m taking bets on one or two (or three if you really want to piss me off, HAH!) babes in there. Throw your wager in the comments if you’d like. Of course, J and I don’t care how many there are. All we want is a perfect, little, heartbeat. ❤

22 thoughts on “Hanging In There

  1. Pingback: Progress, Pain, and Life | When Dreams Become Rainbows

  2. I’m thinking two, don’t know why 🙂 Hang in there hon. Less than 2 days to go now. I’m praying so hard for you and your little one(s).

    P.s. I really hope you leg heals up quick! It’s just brutal that you have to deal with that right now!

    P.p.s. I’m going to be stalking your page Thursday morning so I don’t miss your update!

  3. I would love to read this post as I have been following you for a few weeks now. I, too, am struggling with infertility (as a matter of fact, waiting to see if CD1 is today as I type this so we can start IUI #6…injectables this time! We did get our BFP with IUI #2, but I had a missed miscarriage at 10w2d). Sooooo…would you be able to send me the password?

    Thank you!!  

  4. I got to quit Crinone at 10w so maybe you’ll get lucky? A liiiiittle earlier than second tri, anyway! I think both names are cute but I like Bug better. I suppose you could compromise and use Lucky Bug! 😉

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