Rough Patch

Where I am: CD13
Medications: none
Symptoms: none


I’m sorry for that horribly negative post the other day. I was not in a good mood after that phone call.

A bottle of wine and lots of TV have gotten me to today, Friday, the day before the long weekend. A weekend in which I really hope to have a fantastic time celebrating two years married, eight years together total, with my amazing, strong, loving, caring, supportive husband.

(I’m trying not to think about how we stupidly joked last week that we might get to conceive our sticky baby during our timed baby-dancing over our anniversary weekend. I’m trying not to think that since my ovaries are still achy as all getout, I probably haven’t even ovulated yet and any sex we do have will have to be accompanied by a friggin’ condom. How’s that for ironic?)

As of yet, we have no official plans (we’re bad at planning ahead…we haven’t even booked our hotels for our end of June/beginning of July vacation…yeahhhh). We’ll probably cook dinner together tonight, I’ll open another bottle of wine, we’ll relax and plan something out for tomorrow. Or, he’ll have a surprise plan waiting for me when I get home. Either way, I don’t care. To be clear, “having a fantastic time celebrating our anniversary” doesn’t even mean “going out.” As long as we’re together and having fun and doing something that’ll make us laugh and smile, that’s all I care about.

Of course, because of this cancelled cycle, I am feeling all-around negative about everything. I’m starting to worry I won’t get that job I applied for, because I’m starting to feel bored in my current job (although, honestly, this TTC thing has adverse effects on how motivated I am because I’m not entirely passionate about what I do). I’m starting to be concerned about the house thing, because it’s almost June and we aren’t even pre-approved yet. I’m starting to worry we waited too long and that we’ll be stuck moving into my parents’ house come September when our apartment lease runs out.

But I need to stop. Stop thinking negative. Let things happen as they do. I can only control so much.

I’ll be back next week. There’s nothing really for me to talk about since this cycle is a bust. I just keep thinking that by the time I return to work next Tuesday, it’ll be CD17 and I’ll hopefully be that much closer to AF showing her ugly face again.

Have a great weekend, everyone (and enjoy the long weekend, my fellow US friends, Happy Memorial Day). ❤

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5 thoughts on “Rough Patch

  1. Ugh, I’m so sorry hon. Sex with condoms when you want a baby more than anything is such a cruel joke. I remember when we were doing IVF last year, our doctor was adamant we did not get pregnant on our own, so we were using condoms for the 6 months it took us to do the 2 retrievals. I remember being so frustrated when our IVF+PGD+FET failed and he told us to go back to trying on our own. I thought of those 6 months we could have gotten pregnant, but were instead using condoms at our doctor’s strict recommendation. It’s beyond frustrating! I hope you and your hubby can enjoy your time away and have a wonderful anniversary despite all of this. And hoping more than anything, that every thing is perfect next cycle and all the other things going on start to fall into place without causing you too much stress. Huge hug! Enjoy that wine!

    • Thank youuuu!!!! Your comments are always so supportive and sweet, I really appreciate it. ❤

      Yeah, that must suck. 😦 Nothing like looking back on time wasted and going "What if…" Such an ugly rabbit hole that I feel like so many IF people go down. Oi.

      Haha I will enjoy my wine! And I'm rebelling today and having a tuna wrap (I'm OBSESSED with tuna, literally the only fish I'll eat, and I always limit myself to the amount I can have whenever I'm TTC) because I can. So there. 😛

      • Good for you hon! Eat as much tuna as you can! Hopefully you won’t be able to have too much of it very soon!

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