Sorry, Infertility, You Can’t Have the Month of May Anymore

Where I am: CD10
Medications: none right now
Symptoms: “full”-feeling left ovary, “very full”-feeling right ovary

So my scan went well this morning. I don’t know the exact numbers (I’ll post them on my infertility timeline page once the nurse calls me later) of all of them, but the two most notable ones were 17mm and 14mm, I believe both on the right ovary. Once again, the right was super greedy and took most of the stimulation for itself (which I was expecting, since I only feel a slight twinge every now and again from the left, whereas the right is always feeling sore). There was one measurable one on the left.

This was such good, good news! On the one hand, I didn’t have a monstrous 30mm again! This confirms that, last cycle, it really was just an overly zealous follicle and not a cyst in my ovary. Also, it seems the Clomid was a little more spread out, at least with my right ovary (the little hog). I’ll have one definitely mature follicle and hopefully another, if that 14mm grows just a smidge more between now and whenever I ovulate.

Which, I am assuming will be sometime at the end of this week! The office hasn’t called me yet, and I’ll call them if I haven’t heard by 4:30PM, but the tech told me I’ll probably trigger tomorrow night to allow that 17mm just a little more time to mature.

That makes my beta day, if my calculations are correct, June 4th. So close, yet so far away.

I feel good about this cycle. The reason the BFN last cycle didn’t hit me too hard is because I really wasn’t expecting much because of that monster follie. It was probably too mature to be of any good, and I didn’t have any others that were really good…but I still had to trigger anyway to release the big one. I feel like I was a little gypped last cycle. This one, though…this one feels good.

And May is my month. Well, it’s our month. Mine and J’s. May is the month we started dating, May is the month we were married (we were wed the day before our six-year dating anniversary…cue the “awwww”s!). It’s my favorite month of the year—not too hot and not too cold, at least here in New England.

Last year, May was ruined for me. May includes the day I went to the ER with bleeding, the weeks I spent hoping the little sac in my tummy was going to grow no matter what the doctors told me, the day I had my first D&E and officially lost my first pregnancy. J came home on our wedding anniversary from a month-long training program in CA, and we spent the evening crying in each other’s arms.

On a day we should have been celebrating a year’s worth of marriage, we were mourning the loss of our baby-that-could-have-been. The month lost its luster and appeal and specialness.

Well not anymore.

I’m not saying May will be saved if I get my BFP from this month. Because there’s always that chance that I’ll get another BFN. No, I’m saying May is saved because I said so. Because in spite of that first loss, and in spite of whatever outcome this cycle has, I’m taking back this month from my infertility. This month is sacred to us…to me.

I want to rejuvenate this special time for me and J. If there is one month every year when we fill our hearts with happiness, this month should be it.

Having said that, I know this cycle can only benefit from the happy and good feelings and whatever positive juju this month can bring. I’m hoping my future sticky baby is nestled somewhere in one of my ovaries, ready to grow from a little egg to a little embryo to a little baby.

Come on, MAYbe baby…come on. I’m waiting for you. 🙂 ❤

Update as of 4:55PM: Cycle was cancelled—see following post.

2 thoughts on “Sorry, Infertility, You Can’t Have the Month of May Anymore

  1. Pingback: NEVER MIND—Cycle Cancelled | When Dreams Become Rainbows

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