NEVER MIND—Cycle Cancelled

And my hopes come crashing the fuck down.

I’m sorry for the f-bombs. I’ve been dropping a lot of them in the last hour or so.

In my last post from all of two or three hours ago, I said I was probably good to go. That we had a good amount of follies.

The office called and said they were recommending to cancel the cycle. My follie sizes were 10mm, 11mm, 13mm, 13mm, 14mm, and 17mm. They think I am at risk for 3+ multiples.

Really? Really?? I feel like that would never happen. Never in a million years.

I’m not sure what to think right now. I’m upset. I was riding on a high and all excited and “infertility can’t have May anymore” and now this. I can tell you right now, I’ve got zero fucking positivity in me right now. Zero. Nothing.

I am considering trying anyway. I wouldn’t trigger, because that might cause all the eggs to drop. But I’d buy an OPK, track, and have sex around O time. And hope that only one or two drop.

But I don’t know. I’d have to do progesterone twice a day to guard against not having enough in my system to support a pregnancy. Which, I’m not really concerned about, because it is the ONLY fertility med my insurance is covering and is only costing me $20 every time to refill it.

And I’m of course nervous about getting pregnant with more than 2 babies. I have RPL, so that’s obviously not advisable and is probably why my RE didn’t want to risk it (although the nurse said it was because I was only 26 and they don’t put that much risk into younger patients with good FSH and all that shit).

But at the same time, what are the chances? What are the chances?? And I feel like if I don’t do anything, I’ll regret it!

Thoughts, anyone? Please? Even if it’s a no, I want to hear it.

31 thoughts on “NEVER MIND—Cycle Cancelled

  1. Pingback: Sorry, Infertility, You Can’t Have the Month of May Anymore | When Dreams Become Rainbows

  2. Totally agree with you! What are the chances?? Some may think this is bad advice but when you’re desperate you do what you gotta do… If I were you I would find another doctor that is willing to do your IUI, and worst case scenario just have a lot of sex, or better yet BOTH. 1 week before my IUI I had 5 follicles and they were really close in size, 10-13, but then I just down graded my dosage and it was fine. You already have 1 at 17mm that is almost ready!! Go for it!! And if you have more than 3, there are many of us here who will “help you out” (JK) xoxo

    • Haha I’m laughing at that last bit. 😛 Actually believe it or not I wasn’t doing an IUI just yet! My RE has just been having us do Clomid to stimulate, Ovidrel to trigger, and then BD the night of trigger and the two nights following. This was supposed to be our second cycle.

      I’m already CD10 so maybe that is why they were nervous about it? Because it’s so close to O time? I don’t know…

      • If its so close to O time that you’re totally fine, cuz the other eggs are too small anyways, so they wouldn’t get fertilized even if you tried. I would go forward with it! Just tell them OK and then do it a bunch! LOL

  3. But this is your chance for a reality show! Just kidding. Um, I hate that your cycle was cancelled for responding too well. Isn’t that just a knife in the gut? As for trying when there’s a chance more than two might drop? This IF game doesn’t really give us chances, does it? I think if it was me, I would go for it.

  4. Oh no! Oh I’m so sorry hon. I read your post earlier and was just about to sit down and comment when I saw this come in. I wish I knew what the right answer is, but I’m wondering what the chances are too. If one is already pulling ahead, wouldn’t that mean that it’s likely to be the dominant follicle? Ugh! This is so unfair! Sending you a big hug!

    • Thanks. ❤ I decided to let the cycle go. I know the chances of multiples was probably practically zero, but…when I thought about being faced with selective reduction, knowing it would be MY fault for disobeying doc's orders out of my own selfishness, I couldn't do it. Too risky. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. 😦

  5. You know, I totally know what you mean. I say go for it!! Like you, i’m tired of people defining my fate. I always tell myself that my fate rests on my hands. If I can’t fight for myself, then who do I expect to do it. Go for it. If you end up with multiples, cross that bridge when you get there. This IUI cycle, we had 7 mature follicles and my RE let me move forward (thank god). We are pretty high risk for multiples, but based on my history – i’m not too worried about it. Good luck!!

    • Thanks for the comment! I decided against it… 😦 Just too nervous, what with my RPL and all.

      But thank you so much for offering your opinion, seriously. I appreciate the encouragement. 🙂 And I wish you so much luck!!! 7 follies! Hopefully one of those is a strong little baby. 🙂 🙂

  6. If go for it too. I had a cycle like this in Feb that got canceled and my new RE looked back at it and said he would not have canceled cause likely only 2-3 would drop and that the most mature ones fertilize.

  7. That’s ridiculous. I had a 23, a 17, and four 14s, and my RE went ahead with the trigger and double IUIs without a second thought.

    Can you argue with them? I mean really, what are the odds? My RE said we had a risk of multiples, but that in her opinion it was very low.

    • I mean I didn’t even need to argue with them. We aren’t doing IUIs yet and I have the trigger and my progesterone already, I could’ve gone ahead and done it on my own. But the nurse said I was high risk for 3+ multiples. Maybe if I didn’t have RPL, I would go ahead, but I’m too nervous. 😦 And I looked into selective reduction and I don’t think I could face it knowing it was my fault we had to do it because I was selfish.

      Thank you so much for the comment and encouragement, though. ❤

  8. I think it’s your choice. Shouldn’t you be the one who determines your risk factors based on your doctor’s advice? I think it’s a long shot too. I would follow your heart. ❤

  9. Good thing is you respond well to the meds. I personally would go for it too… but I’ve never been in that position. I would love to read more info about the probability of it if you come across anything online. Good luck!

    • Well Dr. Google wasn’t very helpful in giving me information on what the statistics are for multiple follicles…it’s different for every person. I did learn, however, that the 18mm rule (which is what my doc stands by) is generic. Some women can ovulate 11mm+ follicles at maturity, and others need 22mm+. So to definitely assume that my one 17mm would be the only one to ovulate would be rolling the dice. 😦

      Also, I looked into selective reduction (aborting one or more of several multiples in order to increase chances of successful pregnancy) and what it entails and when it is done. If my doc had given me the go-ahead and I’d done the cycle accordingly and gotten pregnant with 3 or more and had to do a reduction, I would’ve been okay with it. I would’ve been heartbroken, because never would I want to kill one of my babies, but if it had just been “one of those things” I think I would’ve done it.

      But for me to go against doc’s warning and try anyway and get pregnant with 3+ and have to reduce…I asked myself, could you face having to abort one or more babies because YOU were selfish and wanted to try anyway even though you were told not to? 😦 I couldn’t do it. I know it’s a super long shot, but I couldn’t do it.

      So that’s what I learned. Haha. Anyway. Thanks for the comment. ❤

  10. Pingback: Letting Go | When Dreams Become Rainbows

  11. Oh no!!! This SUCKS! I’m so sorry 😦 I’ve had 2 IVF cycles cancelled and it was heartbreaking. There was one time I had 3 follicles, all 16-22 I think and they decided not to do an egg collection, but also told me not to try naturally because of the risk of multiples. I listened to them and didn’t try… Partly because I have a higher risk of ectopic pregnancies. However, looking back I wish I’d ignored them. My IVF cycles have been really crap and difficult, and I feel like I missed a really good chance now. Urgh, I’m so sorry they cancelled your cycle hon, it stinks 😦 xxx

      • Oh, I just read your new post!! Silly me. I think if I had the choice of starting again nxt month I would have waited too. It’s probably best to wait a month and get it right. All this waiting is really frustrating though 😦 xxx

      • Haha it’s okay. 🙂 And yeah, the waiting sucks. I’m hoping I can go again next cycle. Of course I have to pass my baseline ultrasound. And I’m pissed because I was on Clomid this cycle so that still means a third round could thin my lining. I think that’s what’s most frustrating to me. Putting my body through that medication for nothing! I can’t imagine how much it sucks for people who’s IVF fails because I’m sure that’s ten times harder. 😦 ❤

  12. Pingback: My kingdom for a pocket ultrasound | indeterminatewait

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