And the Verdict Is…

Where I am: CD24 [14dpt(rigger)]
Medications: none
Symptoms: same old, same old…

My hCG level came back undetectable.

I am not pregnant.

There’s a good chance that, despite my desperate attempts to be happy and not let it get me down, I’ll have a good ol’ cry in J’s arms once I get home. Then again, maybe not. But probably.

But honestly, I think I’m good. I think I’m okay. I have my eyes on the future.

Plus side for the day is I don’t have to take any more Crinone starting right very now. No more gooopy hoohah! Hopefully AF makes her appearance by the weekend, because I’d awfully like to get started on the next cycle!

And my RE (Dr. O from now own, and no that’s not a pun…his last name actually begins with O) wants to do the same protocol as last time, meaning the Clomid/Ovidrel trigger. I call on CD1, they do a baseline before CD3, and if everything looks good (which, if my ovaries know any better, they will) then back around the TTC circle we go!

My hopes for the next cycle are that I don’t end up with one incredibly large-and-in-charge follicle and a whole bunch of others that are smaller. Normal growth is what I’m aiming for this time. At least 2 or 3 good ones. That aren’t ridiculously huge.

Anyway. Work day is almost done. I had this post sitting in my drafts with “I am/am not pregnant” written there for hours. It bums me out that I had to delete the affirmative. But what can you do? Nothing but go home to the copious bottles of wine I have waiting for me…plus a sweet, loving husband exhausted from drill who just wants to snuggle and watch TV, and a nice steak dinner that we’ll be cooking together.

“There’s no harm in hoping for the best as long as you’re prepared for the worst.” 

― Stephen King, Different Seasons

12 thoughts on “And the Verdict Is…

  1. I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re not pregnant. I hope you have a nice evening with your husband and that you get to start the next round soon!

    • Thank you, love! I’m sorry, too. Surprisingly, I haven’t cried yet…I’m sad and bummed out, but I’m not depressed. I feel strong. I’m ready to go again. Granted this is my first cycle…can’t always promise I’ll be this optimistic. 😉 Thanks for the comment! ❤

    • Oh…oh I have not forgotten about the wine. I’m more than halfway through one bottle already. 😀

      It is hard. But I feel strong (that might mostly be the wine, but…). I feel good. I’m ready for the next cycle. I can’t let myself get down in the sadness because I just spent the last 5 months digging myself out of a dark hole and I can’t go back. So…positivity. Optimism. Forward-thinking. Let’s go.

      Thanks for the comment. ❤ ❤

  2. I’m so sorry it didn’t happen this cycle hon. Your outlook it amazing and you’re so right, all you can do is move onto the next one, and it WILL happen! Enjoy that wine tonight! Hopefully you won’t be able to have it anymore really soon!

    • Haha oh I enjoyed the wine last night. Perhaps a tad too much. 😉

      Already got the next cycle in process. Called and ordered my meds this morning, they will be here tomorrow. Fingers crossed AF makes her appearance soon and we can get going with the next cycle. Nothing’s stopping me! 🙂

      • Glad you enjoyed that wine hon! I will be keeping my fingers crossed AF appears very soon!

    • Thank you, love. I actually didn’t have a cry! It might just be delayed. Might hit me later. My husband is prepared, regardless. 😉 But I actually feel pretty good. Granted this was only my first failed medicated cycle, and I had copious amounts of wine to help me along last night…but I feel good. I feel positive. I ordered my next round of meds this morning. I’m ready to get going with the next cycle. Fingers crossed that AF makes her appearance soon and that I pass my baseline with flying colors! (No cysts, pleaseeee!)

      Thanks for the comment. 🙂 ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s