Just got the call a little while ago…
As I just told my husband a second ago: “All systems go, baby! We are cleared for Clomid!”
We went in early this morning so I could have my baseline ultrasound. (And can I just say how positively unpleasant an ultrasound during your period is? It wasn’t my first, so I was prepared, but man oh man. Your innards are sensitive and swollen and sore enough as it is, and then they shove that wand up your hoo-hah and push and drag and prod it all over the damn place. For cryin’ out loud already!) I swear, I’m the most paranoid person that exists right now. The ultrasound technician was writing down notes, taking this picture and that picture and that picture and this picture, and then she asked about the hysteroscopy and if they had found any polyps and if they had been removed. I was freaking out in my head, wondering why she was asking about the surgery, petrified that maybe she’d found something and that the call later today was going to be, “Sorry! Instead of a baby you get another surgery and another month of torturous waiting!”
Alas, they’ve cleared me. Clomid from Wednesday through Sunday, with a follicular ultrasound next Wednesday morning before work.
I can’t believe this is really happening. I know it sucks to have to be on fertility medication at all, and I know that the Clomid isn’t a guarantee, and I know that getting pregnant isn’t even a guarantee until I hit 14 weeks, and I know that really honestly it’s not a guarantee until that baby is healthy and in my arms after nine long anxious months…
…but I still feel like it’s progress, for now. If you compare where I was roughly a year ago, being told I was having a miscarriage and not knowing why…even six months ago, yet another miscarriage with no answers. Even if there is still more to be fixed, more to be discovered, more methods to be exhausted, at least I don’t feel like I’m up shit creek without a paddle like I have the last year or so. And most importantly, I’ve got an amazing husband by my side. My amazing parents ready to support us any way they can. An amazing RE and a fantastic and understanding OB team at the doctor’s office working to make me the most Fertile Myrtle they possible can.
To quote the words my mother just texted me: “Here we go.”