[[Blog Inactive]]

I’m Sorry! This Blog Has Become Inactive!

Please feel free to have a look around, as this blog carried me from April to December 2014 as I embarked on fertility treatments after suffering two miscarriages in 2013. I was very lucky to have a successful third cycle of Clomid and Ovidrel in June of this year, accompanied by medication for my thyroid, medication for my pituitary, baby aspirin, and progesterone. At 27 weeks pregnant, I decided that I would close this blog and go back to “public blogging,” which I had started at the beginning of the year but struggled with after losing my second baby (my losses and treatment were secret to most family and friends). Now that I have “come out” to those who didn’t know about my situation, I feel confident in returning to pursuing my goal of becoming a diligent blogger!

Please follow me at my new blog, Motherhood and Everything Else, for the continuation of my journey as a woman pregnant in the third trimester after recurrent loss, as a mother, as a new homeowner, as a military wife…as everything that encompasses “me” as a person. 🙂

Dusting “Dreams” Off for One Last Entry

Yep, that’s right! This is the last entry I’ll be posting in this blog.

*cries*

First, a link to the post I just wrote, for those of you who’ve been following since the beginning and have the password. It’s for my IF/RPL sisters’ eyes, only. 😛

My new blog, which I’ll link to at the end of this post, will hopefully have some activity on it by next week or the week after. Once I settle into my new routine, I hope to make it a part of my weekly to-do’s, if not more often than that. 🙂

I just wore myself out writing that protected post…so I don’t think this is going to be as long as I expected it to be. Just a quick update.

All I have left standing between me and the semester-that-never-ends is a copyediting final exam and a final book publishing project. The former is Monday, the latter Tuesday. Then I will be done! HALLELUJAH! (I mean, I’ll still have two semesters to complete at some point but…I’ll get there.)

Work has been crazy insanely busy, hence why I haven’t had any posts lately. Usually I use my lunchtimes at work to write (since there’s no such thing as downtime at home with HW and house things to do all the time), but I’ve barely been taking lunches. Usually I just eat while I work. And if I do take a lunch, it’s so I can do HW. Oi!

The house is slowwwwly coming together. I mean, it’s not together or even close to being together in the least, but we’ve made progress. Everything is out of the apartment and we hand over the keys to that in three weeks…never to set foot in it again (not that I have since we started staying at the house, but whatever). Once school is over, I’ll be able to help start organizing and sorting things. We are still kind of living out of boxes. Kind of a disaster!

And that’s…kind of it! Christmas is in two weeks! OMG! I’ve been listening to Traditional Christmas on Pandora since the week after Thanksgiving. 😉

Okay so…here’s the link to my new blog. Please be aware there will be no password-protecting on there. I’ll be posting photos and writing at will about anything and everything going on in my life, including the rest of this pregnancy and motherhood. I’ll also be posting about life in general as the end of this pregnancy and the beginning of motherhood is just one of the many things in my life that have drastically changed. My life’s been in transition for a while and 2015 is going to be the moment all of these smaller parts finally come together and start working in sync. It’s going to be crazy. I would love if all of you followed me but I know that’s not realistic. Please do it in your own time, if you even want to at all. Also, something else to note: I will be unlocking most of the protected entries from the past so that others who would like to can read about the journey I went through on here in its entirety (with the occasional post still protected as a special interaction between me and my IF/RPL sisters, to remain closed off from “the real world” of friends and family).

Do know I will continue to follow all of you. I know I haven’t been as active on here as far as commenting goes. But I’ve still been reading. So many of you have experienced loss recently and it breaks my heart. I wish I could do something for all of you to make your pain go away. 😦

Well that’s that. I officially declare this blog inactive. Thank you everyone who’s followed me on this journey. Words will never express how much your compassion, empathy, strength, and love did for me in the last year. I will be forever in debt of your kindness. ❤

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

Where I am: 23w5d
Medications: just the basics
Symptoms: sore stomach ligaments/muscles, iffy sleep, peeing a lot, crazy appetite yet only able to eat half what I used to, constipation/upset stomach, congestion, hip/back pain, and heartburn has made an appearance…
Movement: every day


I’m in class, and I’m so tired that the only way I’ll stay awake is if I pretend to pay attention and instead write a blog entry.

So, here I am.

Viability this week…I can’t believe it. Of course, the anxiety is creeping back as I get closer to this milestone. There have been SO MANY BABIES born lately: two bloggers on here, both moms to twins, had early births, and two twitterers had preemies as well due to either pre-eclampsia or high blood pressure. All four were C-sections, I believe.

Anyway, my point is, I’ve seen a lot of photos of babies not quite full-term. Some less than 35w. They are scary small. I can’t imagine how a baby survives at less than 30w, forget about at 24w.

*shudders*

So that’s why baby boy is going to stay nice and comfortable in there and just relax. Hang tight. We’ve got, at bare minimum, another 10w to go. My orders. Got it, little one?

Today I’ve had a headache (since yesterday, actually—which leads me to believe it is the weather, but…) and lightheadedness. A twitter pal suggested I go to the doc and get my BP checked…and I intended to go to a CVS or something and check it myself. But a debacle involving my debit card (read: pregnancy brain) made me late leaving work. And I was late to class as it is. So…yeah.

I think it’s sleep deprivation and/or dehydration. Hopefully after tonight I can get some rest.

Only four more weeks after this, of school. A lot to do in that short span of time…but I’ll get there. I will.

Not much else to report in pregnancy-land. I’ll monitor the headaches/dizziness and if it continues, I’ll go to the doc tomorrow or Wednesday. J and I talked today about how we have to start helping each other out by looking out for the other. Making sure neither of us is overdoing it. Because we both have. And then we are both worried about the other, and…it’s nonsense. So we had an intervention. Time to slow down. Take care of ourselves. Hopefully we stick to it.

I’ll be 24w on Thursday. Next big milestone, in my eyes is Christmas Day—the first day of my third trimester. Holy shitballs.

Just rested my arm on my belly and baby boy gave a BIG kick/punch. I think he wanted me to let you all know he’s good. He says hi. 🙂 ❤

Closing In On the End!

Five weeks. Five weeks left of school. I can do this.

As far as the house goes…well, well, well. We will officially be living there next weekend! This weekend we will go furniture shopping and start unpacking and sorting/putting away the boxes we’ve been bringing over there during the week and the last few weekends. Next week we will pack necessities that we’ve been putting off like dishes and laundry and all that. On Friday, we begin: we will be borrowing my parents’ blow-up mattress and bringing the kitties over. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this, but my kitty (the younger one) has been having separation anxiety and has been getting sick as a result of her anxiety and excitement almost every day. She follows me to the door when I leave, because I’m hardly home during the week and we’ve been spending weekends at the new house. It’s been hard on her. So, we will bring the cats over Friday late afternoon and help them get acclimated. We will stay overnight on the mattress, because I just don’t have the heart to leave them alone in a new place overnight. ❤

Saturday we will pick up a rented U-Haul and begin the Big Move! Our bed, the guest beds, the dining room table, the couches, the dressers and tables, everything. It’s all coming to the house. I’ll probably be there with my mom unpacking and keeping the cats out of harm’s way as my father, J, and whoever else with muscles we can scrap up do the heavy lifting. Sunday will be the extra day to move anything that wasn’t picked up Saturday and hopefully the end of moving all the big shit. From then on, the only reason we’ll be back at the apartment is to pick up what’s left of the small stuff and to get it ready for transfer. We hand in the keys officially on New Year’s Eve but I honestly think if we can get it cleaned and done before Christmas, I may just go to the landlady and be like, “Here. We’re not going to be staying there. You might as well get in there and start doing the shit you need to move someone else in.”

We do have to address the issue of another car. We haven’t bought a new one since the accident since a new car would’ve thrown our mortgage application/closing into serious jeopardy. There is NO WAY I can commute to and from work and get back in time for J to take it to work in the afternoon, every day, with one car. At the apartment, which is less than 10mins away from my work, it was possible. My commute is about to increase by about 30mins. Same with his. One car is not doable.

So we also have that. We have a down payment ready, we just need to go get approved for a new car loan and buy the car.

Phew.

I literally wrote this in like 5mins. I’m taking a short lunch at work today because I came in late and I want to get out as early as possible! I’ll check in as soon as I can…I’m hoping to get the new blog officially up and running by December, which is only a few short weeks away! Whoop!

Later, y’all. And by the way, fellow bloggers, I’ve been reading if not commenting. As usual. I promise. ❤

I’m Too Busy for Life (and Blogging)

Good news!

J and I are homeowners. 🙂

It was a battle to the end, but we made it. We’ve owned the house a full nine days now, and what a whirlwind of nine days. It’s been GO GO GO since we passed papers and were handed the keys. This weekend, actually, we painted the living room/upstairs hallway/entryway area (a lot of work). Well, when I say “we,” I mean J and my brother’s girlfriend and my dad. But it’s done! Gone is the old people-ish yellow, and here is the soft gray-blue that J and I chose Friday night. Whoop!

And…well, other than that, I don’t have much time for telling y’all about anything else. Truth is, I just got home half an hour ago and I am hungry and I have homework that needs doing because it’s due tomorrow or Tuesday night. In fact, I have a paper due a week from Tuesday that I haven’t even read the book for. And next weekend, the dining room/kitchen will be painted and we will do the first “big” move of some furniture. Yikes.

Sorry. Life is way too busy for me to blog. Life is actually too busy for me to, well, do anything. Constantly moving. I just keep telling myself, it’ll calm down when December gets here…

AHHHHHHHH! IS IT NEXT FRIDAY YET?!

So I’m pretty sure our mortgage was finally sent off for final approval this morning (there are so many levels of “approval,” I’m so bullshit…ugh). My stupid processor never ever ever calls or emails me back, and I waited for over a week to hear back about documents still outstanding! Hi, I’ve never fucking done this before. Want to help me out a smidge?!

And on top of that, the appraiser fucked up big time. I don’t even have the energy or anger-management control to talk about it at the moment. It’s all fine, it’ll all be fine, I think, it just required so many calls on my part trying to get SOMEONE at USAA to talk to me and tell me why they were requesting documentation our lawyer clearly said we didn’t need.

*big sigh*

Closing is a week from today. I’m stressed the fuck out. It’s a three-day weekend and I don’t have class on Monday, and no big written assignments due Tuesday (thank god). I’ll be spending this weekend catching up on HW, packing for the move, and relaxing with my husband (maybe).

Sorry this entry sucks. I just have no time or energy. I can’t even… 😦

Everybody Knows Everything

Where I am: 18w2d
Medications: just the basics
Symptoms: round ligament pain, crampiness, not sleeping well, sore boobs/nipples, random nausea, constipation, congestion, hip/back pain (seriously is not getting better!), and abdominal tenderness…


photo

My stupid, silly, last-minute photograph half of the announcement. Like the door-stopper in the middle? *sigh*

It all started last weekend. I met up with my cousin and, donned in maternity wear for the public for the first time this pregnancy, off we went shopping for more maternity clothes. We got our nails done (I call them “Lucky Bug” nails) and had Panera for a late lunch. And then it came time to go to my cousin’s house to tell her parents and her two siblings that I was pregnant.

…YIPES.

lucky bug nails

LB nails!

I couldn’t even say the words. We just stood in the kitchen awkwardly smiling and laughing, me with my sweatshirt on and hiding my bump, until my aunt finally guessed. They were happy. I told them about why I’ve kept it secret so long, and my aunt told me I should’ve talked to her as she went through a miscarriage herself (which I knew, but…meh, it’s complicated). My cousin texted her aunt (my not-blood-related uncle’s sister) and then called her grandparents (again, my not-blood-related uncle’s parents) to tell them. Anxiety, yes, for sure, but it all ended fine. I checked LB on the Doppler immediately after and all was well.

Monday night, I decided I was done hiding. Just done. At this point, the stress of everything (not even just the pregnancy but everything else, too) was getting to me and I decided it was a waste to stress about hiding my baby bump or making sure I didn’t answer a phone call from my OB with the door open or WHATEVER. So Tuesday morning I dressed in some new maternity wear, came in, told my boss, told everyone in the office, and done. I had stayed up late the night before, doing HW and typing up the email announcement explaining the last two years and arranging the t-shirts on my stupid apartment wall for the photograph part of the announcement for my dad’s side of the family, and so I sent that out in the afternoon on my lunch break.

And then yesterday, I came out on Instagram and Facebook.

Capture

Coming out, Part 1…

Capture2

…and Coming out, Part 2.

Instagram was a lot easier than Facebook. Facebook took me a while to hit “post.” But I have, and I’m pretty sure this will go down in history as the most liked and commented-on post on my Facebook account…ever. Even more so than my wedding. Lots of nice things said. Only one stupid comment so far but hey, there had to be one, right?

Capture3

Facebook announcement.

It has been an overwhelming week. My hips and back are killing me…between that and everything else going on, I don’t sleep. Be it HW, pain, anxiety, a racing mind…no sleep for me. It’s starting to catch up. I had a meltdown at 4AM this morning…it was not pretty. Raging anger and then uncontrollable sobbing. Poor hubby looked petrified, but he held me while I cried even after I screamed at both him and the cat. I think he’s finally starting to understand that I can’t control some of this shit. Whoremones, man. Christ.

So I honestly meant to write more, but I just got stuck with more work. Never a break with this new job! Three day weekend ahead…HW, packing for the move, spending time relaxing with my husband…that’s all I have planned. Nothing extravagant. Oh, our nephew’s birthday party Sunday morning. Bowling. Not sure I can swing that but hey, I’ll try.